


Aerith Works at Burger King

by ChibiDashie



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Crack, Dark Crack, F/M, Gen, Minor Character Death, This whole thing reads like something you'd see on Gmod holy shit, only with like less clipping and explosions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22286089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiDashie/pseuds/ChibiDashie
Summary: Why did I even write this this is nothing but a stupid joke I had in my headTitle is self explanatory. Aerith doesn't even make bank selling flowers so she resorts to getting an actual job. This job is very wacky and things really get out of control when Aerith starts working. Also, some familiar faces work at Burger King too.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Barret Wallace, Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife
Comments: 3
Kudos: 6





	Aerith Works at Burger King

Ahhh, Midgar, Home of Shinra Electric Power Company and how fucked up they are. Here we have our heroine, Aerith Gainsborough, who is extremely broke because nobody wants to buy her flowers that will eventually die sooner or later. As the kids say, she isn't making bank. However, a new place opened up in Midgar that has people flocking all over the planet for; Burger King. Now, what is a Burger King, you ask? Well, they sell, burgers. Lots of burgers. Probably other things too. But who cares about that! 

Already as Aerith walks in Burger King, it is extremely crowded. So many citizens want that sweet, juicy Whopper. Aerith feels extremely claustrophobic at this point and tries her way to get up to the counter, despite all of these people fighting for that sweet, juicy Whopper. It's like Black Friday shopping, only people are actually buying something that matters rather than something useless you'll probably regift to someone anyways. As by luck, someone threw their entire meal on the side, giving Aerith some room to finally make it up to the counter.

"Welcome to Burger King, home of the whopper, how may I help you?"

"I...I want a job." Aerith looked like someone beat the shit out of her at this point because of the asinine crowds. 

"Oh good! We've been wanting more people! I mean, look at these insane crowds of people wanting a Whopper!" 

"What's a Whopper?" 

"It's our most popular item! It's just a beef patty with lettuce, pickle, tomato, and onion on bread!" 

"So that's why people are going crazy!" 

"Your first day is today!" 

"What?!" 

"Oh, yeah, that's right, I forgot. Shall we go and interview you?" 

"Y-yes please!"

Aerith was taken in the back room away from the crowds and observed all of these hard-working Midgar citizens in the kitchen. Some of the stuff happening back here might be an OSHA violation, but jokes on you, OSHA does not exist in this universe or anything like that; Shinra would probably obliterate it. Once reaching a nice small office was a familiar face; Barret. He's actually the manager at this Burger King.

"Take a seat, miss." 

"Y-yes sir." 

"Now tell me, what is your name?"

"Aerith. Aerith Gainsborough." 

"Do you have any prior experience in any kind of work of sorts?"

"Of course! I sold flowers!" 

"So you were the flower girl, huh?"

"Yes, sir." 

"Not that it matters anyways! Besides we've been running low because people are too fucking stupid to even do squat! I mean, look how many people are here, dammit! They want that sweet ass Whopper!" 

That was when an explosion happened that both Aerith and Barret could see.

"What the actual fuck was that?!" Barret stormed out of his office to see that some dude covered in frying oil, screaming in agony as the oil oozed on the floor. "You were supposed to fill up the fryer with oil you fucking idiot sandwich!" 

"I'm sorry sir, I thought water would suffice!" 

"WATER?? IN MY BURGER KING FRYERS??? YOU'RE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WOULD PUT WATER IN A GOD DAMN GREASE FIRE!!!"

The oil was too painful and thus whoever was on fry duty died a rather painful and crispy death, maybe delicious and full of cholesterol. "Alright we got another casualty, reset the counter." There was a whiteboard nearby that read _Days since last work casualty_ in which the number 3 got reset back to 0. "Also, we need someone to clean up this oil asap." Aerith looked absolutely horrified at the horrors of the Midgar Burger King kitchen and looked at Barret, concerned. 

"C...can I just work up front?" 

"Of course, of course!" Barret didn't mind after all; Aerith is a cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure. He slapped a Burger King hat on Aerith's head and actually trained her properly like a good manager should do. After just some time, Aerith was ready to take on her new Burger King career. 

* * *

"Welcome to Burger King, home of the Whopper, how may I help you?" That was the one thing Aerith said every time she dealt with a customer. The riots were quelled inside and Aerith brought back peace in Burger King; she's literally Burger Jesus. Because of that, the tips racked up in her favor, and Barret had no regrets hiring Aerith. The days passed by and Aerith was making so much bank from the tips she made as well as her normal pay at Burger King. She got so much fanart of her in her Burger King uniform that Barret hangs it all up in his office, but soon realized he has no more room left for Burger King Aerith fanart. It was until word spread about Burger Jesus to the point some more familiar faces came along to see her.

"Welcome to Burger King, home of the--Oh, Cloud! It's been a while!"

"What's this Whopper that everyone won't shut up about?" 

"Oh, why it's our most popular item! It's a beef patty with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, with bread! A really nice sandwich, too!" 

"...Just get me the 150G chicken nuggets. I don't need junk inside of me." 

"That will be 150G!" 

Cloud slapped the 150G on the counter and waited patiently for them chicken nuggies. He was actually pleased with the service and the fact the nuggets were crown-shaped. More tips for Aerith, I guess. I mean, the chicken nuggets are decent but not the best in the world; he wondered why so many people in Midgar wanted to come to Burger King in the first place. There's much better food out there, anyways. It was often that every time Cloud came to Burger King, he would always get nothing but chicken nuggets. Pretty typical workday for Aerith after all. 

* * *

"Welcome to Burger King, home of the Whopper, how may I help you?"

Ah shit, here we go again. It's that handsome son of a bitch, Sephiroth, a twink ass husbando. He radiated some kind of aura that gave Aerith a massive frighten. "M...May I take your order, s-s-s-sir?" 

"I want a whopper, but I want a chocobo patty instead of that "beef" you put in there." Sephiroth said, 

"W-w-we don't serve...Chocobos."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T SERVE CHOCOBO MEAT?" He slammed his fist on the counter.

"We just don't!"

"I want to see your manager." 

"I'll bring him right here as soon as possible!" Aerith went back into Barret's office to summon him to the front counter as the Burger King kitchen was still a nightmarish hellscape that Aerith refuses to even touch. She brings him over to the front, but Barret nearly gags at the sight of Sephiroth.

"God dammit, it's you again. For fuck's sake, we don't serve Chocobo meat here, do you understand?!" 

"I do." 

Sephiroth takes out Masamune and proceeds to stab Aerith right in the chest, who is behind the counter. Because of how long Masamune is, Sephiroth also chops off someone's finger that is about to go in an unfortunate customer's whopper. Yummy!

"ohshitohfuckohshit AERITH DARLING DO YOU HEAR ME?!" Barret was furiously shaking her corpse that flopped on the counter as blood spilled out of her mouth and ears. 

Nothing. Aerith is ded. Can the entire Burger King press F to pay respects?

"This is what happens when you don't serve chocobo meat." Sephiroth fabulously turned away and walked off as people were horrified at what the fuck he even did to poor Aerith. Aerith did not deserve this and Sephiroth should go fuck himself with a cactus.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Alas, Barret was without his best employee that makes him so much bank and now has to deal with a shitstorm from both Burger King Aerith's fans that make all of the fanart and weird shit you see on DeviantArt as well as his other shitty employees who fuck everything up and would probably get themselves killed.

**Press F to pay respects for my beloved daughter**


End file.
